Faith/Fear, Hope/Dispare
There are times in my life I feel I can see into my future. I know exactly what path I am on and it is well lit with no unexpected twist, turns or nothing that blocks my way. These times can be filled with hope, peace and joy or they can be filled with fear, dispare and unease. The funny thing about this is that, like the picture above, the road doesn't change, just the perspective. Perspective is a funny thing. Most people believe that their perspective is the absolute truth, and for them it is. It's how they view a particular situation or path on which they are walking. This does not mean that the path has changed.
The path is life and, bottom line, it is one that we must walk alone. I know that sounds pessimistic but it's true, no one can live my life for me, I must do it myself. At times others paths may run parallel to mine, but I never can tell how long that may happen. At other times a path may almost seem to join mine, but no matter how close I feel to that other person, their path and mine are not the same. They experience bumps, twists, turns, fog, clear days, fallen trees etc... differently than I do. I may perceive that our paths will be parallel for a long period of time, but they may have fog on their path and may not be able to see the same.
The path only changes when what I think I knew changes, when what was light becomes dark, and the light at the end looks cold instead of warm and hopeful. It can also be hard when a friends path, that once ran so close to mine, starts to veer away. At these times, it's hard to not feel abandoned, as I had become so accustomed to their companionship. I had begun to feel as if I didn't walk my path alone and maybe we shared a path. But the truth is, we are always alone. No one can see as I see, feel as I feel, think as I think. A bump in the road that may be painful for one person to trip over on their path, may be a mountain on mine over which I have to climb and risk falling repeatedly before I can reach the top and start to make my way over to the other side. All the while trying to change my perspective of my path through positive thinking. I'm learning, however, that positive thinking cannot change the landscape, no matter how much faith you have. Only God can move some mountains, and only God can drop some mountains in your path. And everyone you know will tell you it's for your good, that He's trying to teach you a lesson, help you grow, become more like him. At times like this I feel God must be miserable because misery loves company. I know that sounds blasphemous, I don't really mean it, but I feel that way sometimes. Something is threatening my path, and my perspective, unfortunately, is changing. What I thought I knew, the thing I had so much confidence and faith in, is being threatened. I can no longer see more than a foot or two infront of me, and its dark. There is a light up a head, but at the moment I cannot tell if it is the realization of the dreams I currently hold, or the light of an empty tomorrow. I do know that as long as I keep walking, this will pass, though I fear I will not pass over this mountain unscathed.
There really is nothing to do but keep walking and hoping for the best. I try to keep the fear at bay with what little faith I have left. Fear is like a hungry wolf on the edge of my path, at times it feels as though it has overcome me but I keep beating it back. I have found that by walking near another helps a little, it's hardest when I'm alone and my fire of faith is dim.
But I have found even on the darkest of paths there is always hope, even if what you hope for doesn't happen, there is always hope that someday the path will be light, bright, warm. Full of peace and joy.
